It’s nine o’clock on a Sunday night and my wife and two children are watching the season finale of a reality show on Bravo called “The Shahs of Sunset.” For some reason, the show has been on television in my house all day, and quite frankly, I’m waiting for all three of my kin to wander out with their gray matter actually oozing from their heads due to an overdose of brain-melting vapidity.
This particular show features an ensemble of fabulously wealthy Persians in Beverly Hills. Scantily clad girls in heavy make-up and “manscaped” dudes in designer threads, the “Shahs” party hard and, in general, create drama by taking major offense when a member of their group does anything annoying – real or imagined. Today, I watched two instances where cast members “uninvited” another cast member to two separate events. Think about that: They picked up the phone and called a girl and said “Hey, we decided we don’t want you at the birthday party tomorrow.” Then they did the same thing in the next episode, to the same girl: “Hey, we are uninviting you to the trip to Mexico.” Cold-blooded.
In my opinion, so much of what is on reality television is just so wrong. From the plastic surgery overdoses to the manufactured conflicts to the gratuitous displays of wealth (without evidence of employment), reality TV is actually mauling our sense of, well, reality. (Also, it has led to the likely permanent destruction of the word “fabulous.”)
Aside from showcasing a whole lot of non-reality to our young people, reality TV has changed how one becomes famous in America. Sure there have always been people who were famous for being famous: Think about half the “stars” on game shows when we were kids. For example, I don’t think the regular judges on “The Gong Show” were Oscar winners. Today, however, hundreds of people are famous for seemingly no other reason than they look good in a cocktail dress and know how to sling a good insult.
If I had my own television network, I would implement some programming guidelines that not only apply to improved reality shows but also to good business and marketing. Here are the programming rules of JohnTV:
Do an Actual Job Well
Sorry, on JohnTV, being a Hilton is not a job, nor is being an NBA player’s ex-wife. If you want to be on my network, open a real business, add to the economy, showcase your expertise and pass on your knowledge. Ratings winners: “Pawn Stars,” “Oddities.”
Do It Better or Cheaper
If you know how to remodel a home or save a business, then you are a candidate for JohnTV. If you are house flipper who creates artificial emotional conflicts or a star chef who enjoys berating his employees, take a hike. Show me how a business can improve or how to remodel on a budget and I’m sold. Ratings Winners: ‘Restaurant Impossible,” “This Old House,” “Undercover Boss.”
Teach Me Something
We are big fans of Food Network, but any show where people merely talk about the best thing they once ate has no shot on JohnTV. Show me how to make perfect lasagna, how to stop my dog from chewing-up the sofa or how to escape a world-class jam and I’m all ears. Ratings Winners: Cooking shows where people actually cook, “Man vs. Wild” and “Dog Whisperer.”
Make Money
Sure your hobby may be interesting, but if it doesn’t generate income, JohnTV will respectfully pass. If you can finance the purchase of a commercial fishing boat, fend off icebergs, dodge flying metal, outflank competitors and actually make money, your show is a contender. If you can rummage through someone else’s junk and figure out a way to earn a living, I’m watching. Ratings winners: “Deadliest Catch,” “Storage Wars,” “American Pickers.”
So there you have it, core values for business, marketing and my network. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for entertainment on television, but on JohnTV, we want more than ratings for ratings sake and fame from being famous. Now, can anyone help me find re-runs of “The Gong Show?”
Which reality shows do you think teach business skills and lessons? What would you put on your TV network?
—John
Author: John P. David
Check out this link to an old Gong Show clip. Can you find the young David Letterman?